So I had another meaningful dream the other night. I know when dreams are meaningful by the voice in my head that says, "ooh, that's important. remember that." Then I wake up, write it down and try to figure out what it means. Sometimes it makes sense right away, sometimes things become clear months later. But almost every aspect takes on some meaning that I wouldn't have guessed it would. This is how I know that these dreams mean more than the ones where I can't find my class, or I haven't studied for a final, or all of my teeth are falling out. Anyway, here it is.
I was in a car with Ken. He leaned over and hugged me. It was a very stiff and impersonal hug, like you would give an acquaintance, not a friend. I remember thinking his hair was soft and he smelled really good. It was the first time in a dream that I can remember really smelling something. Then I was conscious of my own smell. I realized that I had just come from work because I was dirty and smelled of elephant. I told him I needed to get cleaned up. I went home and took a really quick shower, put my hair in a wet ponytail and went to my living room to meet him. This time it was he who needed to get ready. He had to change his clothes. So I took advantage of the time to dry my hair and add some makeup. I came back out of the bathroom to find him still unprepared and sitting on the floor looking depressed. I sat almost in his lap like I would have if we were a couple, but we weren't and it was again very rigid. I could still smell him. He asked me if I could read the letter I wrote to him so he could hear it in my voice. "Sure", I said, but as I said it, I could tell I had forgotten to brush my teeth. I excused myself to take care of that, and when I came back he was gone. I looked around and found him in my room. There were letters and notes all over my bed. They were written by me for other people. I'm not sure why I had them. I saw one on pink paper with Cliff's number written in the corner. I knew that it must have been a letter to Ryan. I didn't want Ken to see it. He was busy refolding my other notes, so I hid it. Then he turned to me and asked "Are you getting married?" "Not tomorrow", I answered. This wasn't sarcasm. It was a serious question and a serious answer. "Then we still have time to..." his voice faded. I was asking "to what?" in my head, but couldn't get it out before the scene changed.
Now we were in the temple. The lobby looked like a cafe. The kind meant to look outdoors with patio furniture, a cast-iron gate, and a large window to let the sun in. Ken took a seat by the gate facing the line of people going into the temple. I stood in line. There was a man giving out samples of a new candy. He said men don't seem to like it. Too sweet. I tried it. It was very sweet. It was served in something like an oyster shell and it had liquid in it and the pistil of a flower and you just tipped it back into your mouth and swallowed. I thanked him and continued in line to have my recommend checked. It looked more like a line in an airport to check luggage. Everyone in line had some kind of large bag. I became aware that I had a bottle of ketchup in my left hand. I tried to hide it on the side of my body, but it seemed so conspicuous. I was embarrassed to be taking ketchup into the temple. Then I realized I had a bag on my right side hanging over my shoulder. I decided to put the ketchup in the bag to hide it, but when I went to put it in, I realized it was really a bottle of baby powder. As I came to the front of the line I was still wiping the powder off the side of my coat where I was trying to hide it when I thought it was ketchup. They checked my recommend and sent me down the hall. I glanced back at Ken and kept walking. On the way, I felt something on my lower back. I had my elephant hook tucked in my belt the way I carry it at work. I pulled it out and looked at it. It was pretty beat up. I laughed and told myself that it was a good thing I wouldn't need it anymore. I thought about taking it to Ken to hold it, but instead I kept walking. It went away on its own.
Next I was in the most beautiful place I have ever seen in nature. I was sitting with everyone from the temple on stones which had naturally fallen into place in a kind of stadium arrangement. We were looking down to a stone platform in front of an expansive mirrored lake with pine trees on either side. There was a guy on the platform making an announcement, but as he was checking his facts with Ahna and flirting, we all turned around to see the people who were in charge of this activity. They were holding small slips of paper and red pens. The girl said, "You will all get a map. You can write what it says on your hand if you need to. Don't worry, you can change it as many times as you want." I started complaining out loud, but not to anyone in particular. "Why would we write it on our hands if they are giving us the paper? And if we are trying to reach this specific destination, and they are telling us how, why would we change it?" When I realized that no one was listening to me and most of them were going to get their papers, I thought of Ken. Just sitting in the lobby waiting. I felt like I should be there for the activity, but I wanted to go back with him. I turned to a girl next to me. "Do you think I
have to do this?"
"HEY!", she said, like I had insulted her, "what about Tom?" I wanted to ask what she meant, but I had a feeling I knew. "You're here to meet Tom, my brother." I knew I would run into Tom somewhere during the activity, and although I wasn't really excited about meeting him, I knew I was supposed to and that it was more important than spending time with Ken.
So I went to get my map. The smiley girl who had made the announcement had many maps, but didn't have mine. She pointed me to a bald man who only had a few, or maybe just one, but either way he knew which one was mine without looking at it and had it held out to me as I approached. I took it and thanked him and headed to the beginning. The course looked like a renaissance village. Old fashioned booths and storefronts with craftsmen. I looked at my map. It showed my path from start to finish, but none of the other paths. I couldn't choose a different route because I didn't know what obstacles there were. No one was there to help me because with my complaining, I was really far behind. Luckily, there was a big map with everything on it right at the beginning. I was looking over it and wondering why no one else was taking advantage of the chance to make their path a little shorter. I was having a hard time trying to find my destination which was 'Virginia University' on the big map. It was the typical frustrating feeling in a dream where you can't seem to focus on words, and then when you can, you forget what you were looking for. I did see some words I recognized though. There were things labeled as obstacles and they all had names. One obstacle I was going to have to pass was labeled 'Cas'. "How cool!", I thought. "Cas gets to be an obstacle. I bet he's having fun with that." There were other people trying to see the map now, and I was feeling the pressure of finding my destination quickly, but before I could, I woke up.
This is not meant to have great meaning to anyone but me. I've been analyzing for awhile, and I already knew what some things meant even as I was dreaming them. I am writing it as a reminder for myself so when some others of these things start to make sense I will be able to fill in the blanks. Every detail I included in this post was something I told myself to remember. If anyone actually reads this entire thing, and has any great impression of anyone part of it, feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I'll just let it ferment for awhile.
